I just feel like an idiot. I want to do great things, but I’m held back by endless reasons that some may be worth staying for. I don’t know what to do right now with everything its happening so fast. I feel like I’m losing my mind.
I’m sick of being a nice guy to girls and getting tromped on and tricked. It’s over fuck being moral. Women are a very very evil creature. It sickens me.
I keep being a fucking idiot and setting myself up to get extremely hurt and confused. I wish I had someone to talk to about things before I did them and made an idiot of myself. I guess the best way to learn something is through trial and error though. I got played so bad and I still can’t tell if the truth is what she told me or if she was lying so she could preserve my feelings. I hate women and the things that they do to me. I never deserve any of the bad shit that they do to me, but then again I believe I do for being a dip shit and listening to what they say versus what is happening around me. I saved myself though I believe I did the right thing telling him everything even though she probably told him I was lying. It doesn’t matter I don’t want to be a horrible person and I know what it must be like for him to have heard that. I’ve been on both sides now both being EXTREMELY horrible I just wish that I wasn’t so easily manipulated by beautiful girls it scares me how evil they can be and what they will throw into your court. I don’t think I let my guard down completely though because I had the courage to let go of her and tell the truth. The thing is I’m not sure if i really miss her or if i’m mistaken..I have no idea if she is telling me the truth. Judging by her character and her problems with her boyfriend maybe plural.. who knows I am not as hurt cause I honestly kind of saw it coming.. It’s funny what the woman of my past has taught me. Thanks for that :/.
Why do I always feel horrible when I do the morally right thing and why does it always have the worst consequences on my life…So upset about a lot of shit right now. Nothing EVER goes the way I want it. EVER.
It’s weird. This whole time I thought god was trying to teach me patience. Which I still need some work on, but I think the overall theme was to learn self-respect. I won’t be out of any girls back pocket unless I respect myself enough not to let them put me there. I hate being the back pocket guy I feel so used and useless. Makes me hate women even more than I do now. God keeps teaching me how crazy women are even things that require a heart I feel sometimes women don’t have hearts. They do, but I feel as though they care more about their own wellbeing than to take a sacrifice for the person who would do anything for them…all repetitious life is a joke. I hope I get it..