So. Fucking. Tired. Of this fake ass shit. I’m done.
I still fucking miss you. I try not to. It sucks I have no idea why… you ruined my life and its obvious you give less than a shit about me. I don’t understand why I can’t get over you completely. I wish I could talk to you, but I wouldn’t know what to say..I just think it’s because I’m not ready yet. Or maybe the fact that I spend way too much time trying to figure out why things happen the way they do. Time to get my shit together stop wasting time. This year has to make or break me as an individual. I can’t keep taking care of other people and their fucking problems. I hate the situation I’ve been trying to make the best of it, but when you finally realize that it’s all bullshit the question to do it sooner arises. I think I should be patient. That’s what I’m good at. Waiting…waiting for bad news or artificial news that never comes to me the way I want to find out about it anyways.
I just really fucking miss you and I don’t know why and I don’t know what to do about it..I wish I could change your opinion about me. You had me at a very disadvantageous stage in my life and totally took advantage of me. I understand a lot more now. I wish I could retry, but the question that’s killing me is. Should I try and retry? I’ll figure it out soon. At this point I have to realize that putting feelings into anything I need to be cautious. This may all be bullshit but I love that you showed me tumblr. It’s literally such a perfect stress reliever. Do you even care. At this point my mind tries to block the obvious answer of no but who knows..
There are just days in my life now where I literally wake up and hate everything, everyone, the situation, the people, my emotions. Literally everything. The thing that is weird is that upon becoming an adult it seems like, the ability to take that shit and let it go is becoming easier… but does that mean I am becoming colder? I’m just beyond the point of giving a fuck about it anyways. I feel like there is a time coming where I will be in peace and serenity by myself. Maybe in life. Maybe somewhere else I just feel a relief is near.
I’m getting extremely sick and tired of people criticizing my actions. I am 21 years old I am a full grown ass man I know A LOT more about life than most 21 year olds I’d say I’m going in the right direction without your say. Thank you very much and for all the hating I’d say keep it up I don’t think that’s going to make things the way you wanted them and to me. Well at this point it only is making me stronger fuck that shit I don’t need it. I do what I want now.
That moment when it ALL sinks in.
The moment you realize you are blind.
The moment you have instant regret and hate.
The moment you realize someone was not as close to you as they made you feel they were.
The moment when you realize it was all for nothing.
The moment you realize you got literally NOTHING out of it.
The moment when you realize you are to nice and will always just be a tool to be used.
The moment when you say fuck the world and fuck women for being so cold hearted, untrusting, and evil.
NOW….Imagine all of those in one super AWESOME feeling. yeah…
You know what. It hurts. Used to the feeling now. Fuck it I’m over it.